The Job Search for God

The absurdity is growing far beyond what Albert Camus could have ever imagined, especially in the job market. Have you looked at some of the job descriptions online recently? Employers want everything from good writing skills to over 100 years increasing responsibility in Web 2.0 applications. They’re no longer looking for employees. They want demi-gods.

Which made me wonder: what would God’s job description look like? So, I took the liberty of drafting one since that position, by all appearances, seems vacant. Have a look below and please distribute as you see fit. We need to fill this job before it’s too late. But then…maybe it is too late?

Job Opening: GOD: Governing Operational Director

Location: All of Creation

Salary: DOE

Job Description:

This is a CEO position requiring a candidate with demonstrated experience and success performing the following duties.

Governing all of creation from the subatomic interaction of quirks and superstrings to macro physical level of heavenly bodies

Ensuring the efficient operation and maintenance of the universe

Creating new species to enhance the diversity of the eco-system

Supervising staff of archangels, cherubs, saints, and spirits

Playing dice with the universe

Negotiating contracts with affiliates and partners including Lucifer and other arch-devils

Executing organization’s strategic plan, including the implementation of Armageddon as outlined in the company handbook in the chapter on Revelations

Listening and watching everything

Saving souls

Damning souls

Maintaining positive public relations campaign

Implementing new marketing initiatives including a corporate Blog and enhanced Web 2.0 visibility

Desired Qualifications

Attention to detail

Over a millennium increasing experience in cosmic governance

Excellent writing and communication skills in English, Hebrew, and Arabic….Chinese, Spanish, and Polish a plus

Proficiency with Microsoft Office Suite

Demonstrated ability to perform miracles (i.e. raising the dead, moving mountains, and causing global floods)

A portfolio demonstrating experience creating new fauna and animal species

A PhD. in Cosmic Governance preferred, but demonstrated experience can be substituted on a year-by-year basis

Three letters of recommendation

To apply, send your cover letter, three letters of reference, and a copy of your portfolio to 777 Golden Gate Rd., Heaven Attn: God Search Committee. Please, no phone calls. Recruiters are not welcome to contact this posting. We are an equal opportunity employer so long as you’re not a demon or infidel.